As engineering leaders, one of our most critical skills is effective communication. Whether we’re addressing team conflicts, delivering difficult feedback, or navigating complex organizational challenges, how we communicate can make or break our leadership effectiveness. Today, I want to share a powerful framework that has transformed my approach to difficult conversations: FLARE.
The FLARE Framework stands for Frame, Listen, Acknowledge, Reflect, and Engage. This structured approach ensures that every communication interaction is purposeful, empathetic, and outcome-focused.
Frame
Setting the context and purpose for the conversation is crucial. Before diving into any discussion, especially challenging ones, take time to establish what you’re trying to achieve and create the right environment.
When framing a conversation:
- Clearly state the purpose and desired outcome
- Set expectations for the discussion
- Create psychological safety for open dialogue
- Establish ground rules if necessary
Example: “I’d like to discuss the recent project delays. My goal is to understand what happened and work together to prevent similar issues in the future. I value your perspective and want this to be an open conversation.”
Listen
Active listening goes far beyond simply hearing words. It’s about understanding the complete message - both spoken and unspoken. As leaders, we often rush to provide solutions, but the most powerful thing we can do is truly listen.
Effective listening involves:
- Giving your full attention without planning your response
- Observing non-verbal cues and emotional undertones
- Asking clarifying questions to ensure understanding
- Avoiding interruptions and premature judgment
Remember: You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Use them proportionally.
Acknowledge
Acknowledgment doesn’t mean agreement - it means recognizing and validating the other person’s perspective, feelings, and experience. This step is often overlooked but is essential for building trust and maintaining relationships.
When acknowledging:
- Validate their emotions and concerns
- Recognize their effort and intentions
- Show appreciation for their openness
- Demonstrate that their input matters
Example: “I can see how frustrating this situation has been for you, and I appreciate you taking the time to explain your perspective. Your concerns about the timeline are completely valid.”
Reflect
Reflection involves summarizing what you’ve heard to ensure mutual understanding. This step helps prevent miscommunication and shows that you’ve been actively engaged in listening.
During reflection:
- Paraphrase key points in your own words
- Confirm your understanding of their concerns
- Identify common ground and shared goals
- Clarify any remaining ambiguities
Example: “Let me make sure I understand correctly. You’re saying that the unexpected API changes caused the delays, and you’re concerned that this pattern might continue affecting future sprints. Is that accurate?”
Engage
The final step is engaging collaboratively toward solutions. This is where the real work begins - moving from understanding the problem to actively addressing it together.
Effective engagement includes:
- Collaborating on potential solutions
- Setting clear next steps and accountability
- Establishing follow-up mechanisms
- Maintaining focus on shared objectives
The key is to engage as partners working toward a common goal, not as adversaries trying to win an argument.
Putting FLARE into Practice
I’ve found the FLARE framework particularly valuable during:
- Performance conversations with team members
- Conflict resolution between team members
- Stakeholder discussions about project challenges
- Strategic planning sessions with leadership peers
The beauty of FLARE is its adaptability. Whether you’re having a five-minute check-in or a complex multi-hour discussion, this framework provides structure while maintaining authenticity.
A Personal Reflection
I’ve learned that great leadership isn’t about having all the answers - it’s about creating space for the right conversations to happen. The FLARE framework has been instrumental in helping me become a more effective communicator and, consequently, a better leader.
Remember, communication is not just about transmitting information; it’s about connecting with people, building trust, and creating environments where everyone can do their best work.
I hope this framework serves you well in your leadership journey,
Rodolfo
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